Cinda: Today two guys called me beautiful. ”Hi, beautiful” – said by a guy where I work, and ”See you tonight, beautiful” – texted from Hubby. And while it is not an everyday event that I am called beautiful, by far, today I just really cringed both times. I was having a real turd of a day and it just seemed to make matters worse. Like: ”I am many good things, sure, but ”beautiful” is not one of them”, I thought. I was thinking about making some snide Facebook update about it but then it all just sounded so pathetic.
Mental Coach-Cinda: And that made you sad?
C: Yes.
M: Why aren’t you beautiful today?
C: Because I am so desperately insecure and I don’t know what to do.
M: About what?
C: Career stuff. I am entering uncharted territory and it scares the shit out of me. I feel like I am a piece in a puzzle consisting of a lot of mind-games and strategic bullshit. Also, I am standing in front of this mountain of new things I have never done before and I am almost paralyzed with performance angst and insecurities. All this stuff is up in the air, so it has to settle…
M: And when will it settle?
C: Well, some of it hopefully within the next weeks but I am also starting this new degree, so that will take me a year and one bad motherfucker of a learning curve.
M: And are you doing it?
C: What do you mean?
M: Are you going through with it?
C: Yes.
M: And how could one describe someone, who does something they are scared of, someone, who stands in front of something difficult, but sticks with it?
C, crying: Brave?
M: So could we describe you as brave?
C, sniveling: Yes.
M: Go ahead and say that out loud.
C: I am brave.
M: How does it make you feel to characterize yourself as ”brave”, rather than ”insecure”?
C: It feels good. I actually feel a little bit beautiful right now.
M: Good. You are, you know.
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Cinda and mental-coach-Cinda hug. Cinda sits for a while and stares into empty space, relieved.
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Blogger-Cinda: Hey guys, great stuff, would you mind if I wrote this out?
Cinda: Bah, go ahead. No one reads this shit anyway.
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You are brave! I’m pretty much in the same situation right now with 2 weeks left in secure, paid job. From there on, it’s “Hello new life where the Boss is yours truely”. That is indeed scary and anxiety-provoking – if I let myself get carried away. BUT, when I speak to others about my venture, the feedback I receive makes me feel brave – now that’s a nice feeling to rest on.
All the best with everything:-) Mental hugs from Wellingtons
You ARE brave! AND beautiful! Accept it!
Wabbit weads. Qwietly in a cworner, but she’s there.