Dear Cinda

Should I quit my Pilates classes?

It feels good afterwards but all I can think of while doing it is that the instructor is evil and how much it hurts.

Love,

the lazy cow

 

Dear Lacy Cow,

The instructor IS evil and it DOES hurt. Try asking your self: What good can possibly come of me doing Pilates?

Also, since I don’t know what motivates YOU, so here are different answers for different personality types. Hopefully there is one in there to inspire you:

Masochistic personality type:
Yes, lard-ass, get the fuck going! MOVE IT!

Passive-Aggressive Personality Type:
 I mean, I WISH you would go, but hey – it’s not up to me. Fine. Just FINE!

Guilt-Loving Personality Type:
If you don’t want to go, that’s fine, I’m just saying, if you want to be alive to see your children’s graduation…

Perky Personality Type:
Keeping fit will keep you healthy and happy and you’ll feel sooooo good! Go-go-go: Yipeeeeee! You’ll LOVE it!

Reversed Psychology:
Do what you want. Eat chocolate and watch TV. No one can tell you what to do. You are the boss of you. I don’t care.

Motivated by Personal Commitment
I  love you and would really, really appreciate it and regard it a personal favour to me if you went.

Materialistic Personality Type:
All you have to do is reward yourself. So every time you do the unpleasant thing, you set aside, say 20 bucks. Soon, you’ll have 40, then 60 and hey, you on the road to one happy shopping-spree. (This tip can also be used when doing other unpleasant things such as cleaning, having sex with your husband etc.)

Motivated By Role Model: 

Here is a picture of Jennifer Aniston, one of the world’s most outspoken advocates for pilates. She makes 400 kazilion dollars a year because of her looks. Pilates did that.

Motivated By Fear:
Here is a picture of what will happen if you DON’T go (And YES; that would be you in the green whateverthehellthatis):

The New Age One:
There is a constant and beautiful flow of energy between ourselves and the world around us, and it occurs through a natural exchange of giving and receiving. If our energy and attention are focused on simply giving, we begin to suffer from depletion. As a result, we are left with nothing to give others, including ourselves. Taking time to receive the abundance of the universe in whatever form we desire – i.e. Pilates to strengthen our bodies and ease our minds – helps to foster healing and expansion within us. It’s time to give yourself permission to let your light shine even brighter by taking the time to serve your own needs and desires. Not only will your life take on new meaning, those around you will be basking in your light full of joy and strength. Let’s enjoy this Pilates-journey as we begin to explore this practice of receiving, and you will discover that when you serve yourself, you are also serving the world.

The Nike One:
Just Do It!!!

 

All the best,

Cinda

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2 Responses to Dear Cinda: Pilates Or Not?

  1. Wabbit says:

    “All you have to do is reward yourself….every time you do the unpleasant thing, you set aside, say 20 bucks….such as …having sex with your husband etc.”

    Dear Cinda,
    If I pay myself every time I have sex with my husband, am I technically a prostitute? Worse, am I my own pimp? More importantly, can I start calling my husband John?

    Wabbit Wonders… 😉

    • Cindafuckingrella says:

      Dear Wabbit,

      No, of course you are not a prostitute if you reward you self for having sex with your husband. You should consider it merely a motivational tool – like taking a bit of honey on the spoon with the bitter medicine to make it go down more easily.

      With regards to calling you husband John, it could get rather impractical if say your hair was on fire and you kept calling: “John, John, help me, my hair is on fire!!” If your husband’s real name is say Bill, he might not respond, since no one called HIS name. So for the sake of safety and a full head of hair, you better stick to his real name.

      Unless of course it is part of some sexual fantasy-roleplay and you call him “John” or even “Long John” in which case he should know what to do if you scream out in lust: “Oh yeah, do it to me Long John”. Make sure he knows that HE is “Long John”, so he doesn’t clear his throat and politely say: “Ehm, do you mean me, because my name is Bill?”

      Best of luck,

      Cinda

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