Top 10 Lame-Ass Facebook Updates

On Facebook the “90–9–1” rule applies.  This rule states that 1% of people create content, 9% edit or modify that content, and 90% view the content without contributing.

So with only one percent of all the people creating real content, I on the one hand would like to encourage more people to contribute. On the other hand, I see why some people shrug off the whole concept of Facebook as a lame waste of time.

Here is my top 10 (well, in random order) of the most lame-ass updates people bore us with:

10. “Runkeeper”: The fact that John Doe just finished a 5,4 mile run in 24 minutes and used up 239 calories (I don’t know if any of those numbers are realistic!): It is really none of my business. Let me rephrase that: I really don’t care.

9. “Foursquare”: People checking in to boring places (like “Home”)  with their unexotic friends or their news-wise worn-out spouses: ZZZZZZZZZzzz. Unless you are checking in to “The White House” with “Mr. Pimp Daddy” and “A Bunch Of Strippers” – we don’t care. If you are indeed checking into the White House with Mr. Pimp Daddy and a bunch of strippers, we would be very interested in hearing about it.

8. “I’m off to work”. Or “Just got home”. This gives me nothing. So unless you have been held hostage for 4 years and 7 months in some jungle by a rabid terrorist cell  -in which case you coming home would be interesting – don’t tell me about it. People all over the world go to work and come home every day. It really isn’t that spectacular.

7. “Spelt-Mommy Show off Updates”: “Just baked with the kids, now going for a run!” Interestingly, a lot of women think that we are only interested in what’s on their minds if it depicts them as perfect people; staying healthy, fit and spending quality time with their kids. It is ridiculous the extent to which these women stage their lives. I know really funny, warm, interesting and wonderful women, who in all earnestness will not post anything unless it depicts them in this glorified way. It is boring and uninteresting because “Perfect” is boring and uninteresting.

6. “Gadget-Guy Updates”: Pictures, film clips  or talk of cars, motorcycles, meat on a grill, gadgets etc. Well, I suppose I’m just not the target group.

5. “Copy-Paste Updates”: “If you love you children/know someone with cancer/have the “Best Husband in the world” – copy this and paste it in your status.” Boooooooring!

4. People, who are being “mystical”:  “Got some exciting news!!”, “Wish me luck”, “Oh no, not again” – people who are begging for us to ask about what is going on deserve to be left hanging with their exciting news. Just fucking come out and say it!

3. “Cat-updates”. Usually from people without kids. Tells us about what the kitty has been up to. Need I say more?

2. Political or religious rants. Rants in general. Damn: Leave me out of it.

1. People, who get graphic about stuff we don’t wanna know about. Had bunions removed? If you must, just tell us you had surgery, that will suffice.