Writing Exercise: Pain II

In my entire adult life, I’ve suffered from a disc in my lower back, that pops out. As you can imagine, this hurts like a motherfucker.

I have had X-rays taken, seen doctors, specialists, therapists and physiotherapists… They say pretty much the same. It’s a disk. It pops out. And I have a sway back, which adds to the problem.

When I lived in Princeton, N.J., I saw a chiropractor 3-4 a week, who adjusted me and made me sit with weights around my forehead, pulling my neck down towards my butt. He called himself “Doctor Brian” (although I don’t really get where the “doctor”-part came in??). I called him “Doctor Evil”, which he seemed to like, despite the fact that he was Born Again Christian. He prayed for me. It helped momentarily but I was disappointed that all that effort AND the Big Guy didn’t do more.

I have had massages and been yanked, pulled, pushed and even – at one time – probed by one tiny little woman, who wore white linen and no makeup. She had a holistic approach to her chiropractic  treatments and told me she’d like to adjust my tailbone – from the inside. (LA-LA-LA: DO NOT TRY TO ENVISION IT! DO NOT!!!)

After having lost my rectal virginity, I told her: “I usually require dinner and a movie before I let anyone do that!”  She didn’t laugh, which I frankly found a bit rude.

Once, I saw Dr. Pik in Chinatown, San Francisco. I remember his name because “Pik” means “cock” in Danish. Dr. and Mrs. Pik put needles up and down my spine and then added electricity. Dr. Pik kneaded a roll of fat on my back and asked, in pidgin: “Is you mother and father FAT?” He kind of yelled the “fat”- part. As I tried to camouflage the fact that I was crying hot tears of shame and humiliation, I said: “Ehm. Yes”.

Having kids has not been kind to my back. Bending forwards, as you do when you pick up stuff from the floor, which I do a kazillion times a day, opens up the discs, where I should be shutting mine.

So now I’m trying something new. It is a Danish method called “Body SDS” (Google it- I can’t even try to explain it!). Again a holistic approach, where they work over your entire body, since a local problem is tied up to whatever else is going on. It is also about getting in touch with past “traumas” – be it physical or psychological – it is all stored in the body. This means, that the moment he lays his hands on my body, I start crying. And then he pulls and shakes and massages and taps and presses etc, while we talk and I cry and breathe.

And I just had a treatment today. I was a wreck when I walked in there because so much stuff is going on in my life right now.

And now, I feel like… Well, you know that feeling, when you’ve just had a huuuge orgasm? Or taken a really major dump? Or laughed really hard for a long time? That is how it feels. I am utterly relaxed, cleansed, emptied and soft as butter.

And my back doesn’t hurt.