My 6-year old son asked for a piece of cheese. I took a tiny bite out of it and gave him a slice. Later, I found the end piece cut off. He did not want to eat something that had been in contact with my mouth.

This from a guy, I grew to about 7 pounds in my uterus and then pushed out through my tiny, little vagina.

From a guy, I fed for months and months on milk, which he sucked out of my increasingly long breasts.

This from a guy whose butt I have wiped more than 1,000 times, cleaned the poo off, sometimes poo that went all the way up to his neck.

This from a guy whose pink eyes I bathed the yellow, slimey, crusty DISGUSTING puss out of, a guy whose snotty nose I have wiped more times then I care to remember.

Yes indeed, this from a guy who has coughed, bleed and peed on me – not to mention thrown up on – many, many, MANY times.

Excuse me?? Excuuuuseme?

Excuse me, while I secretly go use his toothbrush.

Tagged with:

3 Responses to The Definition of Being a Mother

  1. Charlotsky says:

    I’m seeing the same tendencies here. Mainly evolving around my body. While my bossom is still both girls’ favorite place to rest their little heads, they find other parts far less attractive. I can’t count the number of times, where I haft left the shower and one of them cringes and says Eww! about my pubic hair. “Why do you have those?” “Do you think they look nice?” (disbelief in their tiny little faces), “So when you pee, it stays on the hairs and then you walk around with pee in your panties all day?”.

    • Cindafuckingrella says:

      LOL. Well, if you put it like THAT then the whole pubic-scene does sound pretty gross.
      I read that when one of the world’s most AMAZING and versatile directors Ang Lee was making a movie about Woodstock, he had a tremendously difficult time finding people with pubic hair (that he apparently needed for the film. Hey – what kind of movie was that??) because today everyone shaves, plucks and waxes their crotch. You just tell your girls that if things had turned out differently, you might have been a huge star in a big Hollywood production thanks to that bush.

  2. Wabbit says:

    Hope you figure out the toothbrush revenge only works when you tell him about it (whether you did it or not) after he brushes his teeth for the night…just before bed. Then let him wrestle with that vision alone in the dark, where nothing can distract him from his thoughts.

    Machiavelli 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Set your Twitter account name in your settings to use the TwitterBar Section.