We humans really are herd animals. With only small variations, people who have the same age do much the same things. Well, this is true in my circle of friends, anyway. There was that summer we went to 5 weddings. Then came the year when everyone was preggers. Then everyone had baby number two.
In my group of friends, we’ve now gotten to the divorce part. People are splitting up. And I am really upset about it. (Am also embarrassed to admit that the straw that broke this camel’s back was when Heidi Klum and Seal announced their separation. After YEARS of People covers of them getting married on beaches wearing white every motherfucking year – they up and leave? With four kids among them? I am really upset.) I just think it is so sad. Especially when there are kids involved.
So. That’s the divorce. But before that… There is the affair.
Yes, now people I know are having them.
I certainly see the allure. I REALLY DO!
Oh, to flirt. To catch an eye. To feel an electric spark if he accidentally touches your hand. Oh, to be kissed for the FIRST time. The FIRST kiss. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. Oh, to be looked at through rose tinted glasses. To see oneself in that flattering mirror the insanity of being in love is. The loss of appetite. The surge of energy. The smell of him. The sex. The excitement. Alrightallready, I GET IT!
The story has a different side, though. I heard about that side recently, when my friend B. told me that her dad, who divorced her mother almost 6 years ago after 20-some years of marriage, confessed that there is a new woman in his life. Except for the fact that her being in his life is not new. In fact, they have had an affair for 18 years. He was married with 3 kids. She was married with 4 kids. Meanwhile they were seeing each other. For EIGHTEEN YEARS! They live in the same little rural village where everyone knows everyone. My friend is now waiting for them to clarify whether or not she has two half brothers. The youngest looks suspiciously like her dad. They are not sure. Everybody is shell shocked. Everything she held true about her childhood, upbringing, her parent’s relationship and her dad, who she was so close to, is now.. what?.. not true? And that’s the thing about cheating. It works retroactive. It reaches back in time and taints everything.
According to my friend E.’s theory, you should be warned the moment your husband buys new underwear. I thought of this the other day as I was folding Hubby’s raggedy old Calvins. I laughed out loud.
Yeah. We’re good.
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Karma disclaimer: Hey guys. Didn’t mean to sound holy. Not a saint in sight! I really am trying not to judge! I understand everything about human frailty and a moment’s weakness. I practically invented the concept. I cheat on my diet all the time and that’s the same as cheating on myself. Saaaad. 🙁
No Saint Cinda? The pedestal topples! Now who shall I worship?
Guess I can’t wonder about that now. I’m off to interrogate Mr. Rabbit who got a whole bunch of new underwear about 6 months ago…but wait. I bought those for him. Yeah, I was tired of the raggedy stuff but, hey, you never know what was in his head when I bought them.
Making any sense? I doubt it. But done well, interrogation can be fun.
–Naughty Wabbit
It must be a shit thing for you friend to have to have learnt. All her ideas of what an amazing childhood is made up of are shattered. It becomes harder again when you try and work out what to do in your life because you want to be sure you don’t make the same mistake. Great, honest post.
Well, luckily, she is a strong girl with a very healthy perspective on things. She’ll be ok.
Thanks for reading!
Best,
Cinda